I weighed myself finally, totally fearful as I stepped on the scale at the gym. And I weigh the same as 2 weeks ago. Although it's obviously not as good as losing weight, I'm glad I didn't gain weight.
When I logged onto W W*atchers.com to enter my weight I was given the message of support and encouragement and some tips on how to possibly lose weight next week. And one of the tips was something that struck me as revolutionary-- "weigh yourself once a week, no matter how closely you stuck to the food plan." Maybe that seems obvious to most people but to me, someone totally afraid of failure, it was a moment of enlightenment.
When I was in one of the numerous eating disorder clinics I called home during high school we were weighed weekly with our backs to the numbers. For most of us the numbers on the scale held extreme power over us. To see it go up, like I needed to then, would have been too much to bear and would have made me feel like a complete failure. It still feels like that (but to a much less intense level) but maybe stepping on the scale every week even if I haven't worked out or have eaten a pound of Swedish Fish will help take away some of the trauma involved in the act.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

It is revolutionary and I would love for you to do it and then tell us what it is like. I wish I had the strength to weigh myself once a week... I hop on every day, like an idiot. Good number equals good day. Bad number, well, that could make the day much harder and caloric. Pathetic. I really need to concentrate on getting past this... you sound like you have had such a journey with this. You have come so far. You should be proud of yourself.