Annual Don't-Talk-to-Me Day:
I would like to inaugurate a day in which we all keep silent. My staff couldn't bug me with silly questions they could answer on their own. No one would be able to whine to me about wanting a bigger raise even though they know I can't do anything about it. And I wouldn't have to talk to the loquacious little girl up the block who always asks if she can hold Gertie. It would be such bliss. And I think I'd be in a much better mood by the end of the day.